Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
