U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
