I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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