I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
