I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
