I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
