Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
