I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
