College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
