Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
