how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
