he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
