I think I died a long time ago.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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