I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
