Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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