im gay
i know
yea but for you.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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