If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
