were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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