someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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