so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
