If that was your dad, he is hot
I am spending my child support on dildos
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
