I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
