We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
