Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
