matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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