I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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