I just threw up on my dentist
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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