Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
