he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
