Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
