So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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