I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Panties = found
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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