Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
