I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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