i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my liver is dry heaving
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
