I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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