It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
