We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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