I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
