OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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