I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
