i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
