We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
