oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
NoShamevember. You game?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
