I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
