Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
