You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
