How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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