I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
