I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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