if only i could text you this smell
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
