I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
