I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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